The Cribbies

What are the Cribbies?

The Cribbies Hall of Awesome

The Cribbies Canon

2008

Cribbies records

VIRTUAL CRIB IS "FALLING SLOWLY" FOR "ONCE"
Cribbies Shocker as Irish Musical Wins Top Prize; Cribbies Canon Established

Ten years into the awarding of the Cribbies, an upset has finally come along to rival the legendary triumph of HENRY FOOL in 1999's first annual awards ceremony. ONCE, a ramshackle musical that was the subject of little pre-awards speculation, swept past heavy favorites JUNO and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN to take three Cribbies, including Best Picture. When the award was announced, audible gasps were heard in the Cribbies Ballroom; stars Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova were visibly shaken as they accepted the award. "Winning an Oscar is one thing," Hansard said. "But the Cribbie? Sweet Jaysus."

Irglova also attempted to speak, but the Cribbies Orchestra -- a member of the Cribbies Administration in the back of the room with a boom box -- shooed her off the stage.

JUNO and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN weren't shut out; the teen-pregnancy comedy won three awards, including Best Actress (Ellen Page) and Best Supporting Actress (Jennifer Garner). However, screenwriter Diablo Cody -- who used to be a stripper -- was shut out, losing in the Original Screenplay category to ONCE's John Carney. "Snap to my Lou, me hearties, I'm 'Once' bitten, twice fly! I'm a cautionary fail!" Cody shouted, gnashing her teeth at the orderlies who wheeled her away. "THIS IS ONE DOODLE THAT CAN'T BE UNDID!"

Meanwhile, Joel and Ethan Coen accepted their Best Director Cribbie for NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN with delirious enthusiasm. "This is by far the best thing that's ever happened to us," Joel Coen said, an infectious grim creasing his face. The brothers then made a witty and enjoyable 25-minute speech.

The coveted Get It On awards were won by Nathan Fillion of WAITRESS and Marisa Tomei of BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD. The two performers hoisted their awards -- glasses of the finest Jack Daniels sippin' whiskey -- and clinked them together; within minutes they were canoodling in a corner.

In honor of the Cribbies' tenth anniversary, the Cribbies Administration has established the Cribbies Canon, a selection of movies from the Cribbies' first ten years that truly represent what the Cribbies are all about. Based on voting by Crib members, twenty films have been inducted into the Canon, from 1999's surprise Best Picture winner HENRY FOOL to 2007's Best Director-winning CHILDREN OF MEN. The films range from THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS, which won 6 awards in 2003, to DONNIE DARKO, which was never even nominated for a single Cribbie, due to the fact that in its eligible year only two Crib members saw it.

This year's inductees into the Cribbies Hall of Awesome are Catherine Keener, Val Kilmer, Viggo Mortensen, Emma Thompson, and crotch-kicking.